...in between a past and future town...

Same Story.

2007-01-05T18:00:39Z

Yay for Christine she has reached a new all time low. I'm not usually sad. But seriously...i didn't know it was natural to go days without talking to your boyfriend. without him being the least bit concerned. Im sick of having to reach out to everyone else, its a fucking two way street so please stop driving on my side of the road. I am tired of saying i miss you. I'm tired of instigating every conversation and im sad. And you don't get it. not at all. everyone else does. but you don't, so that tells me one thing. that maybe as much as i want to, i can't trust you either.

"Make all the non-believers say it...

2006-12-11T23:50:59Z

...the sky is falling and I hate to say I told you so."

Saturday, no that I recall was informative on so many levels. Alcohol is a funny thing. People who don't drink assume, that those who do not understand their actions, or know what they are doing. When the plain truth of the matter is that they do. They, also realize, that for some reason, when under the influence, you can say things you normally wouldn't say, and rationalize it with the fact that you were drunk.

This is bad, for me, at least. Because I find it hard to instigate serious conversation unless I am in fact intoxicated. This solves nothing.

I found that talking to Alan on saturday when we were both "sauced" as it were, was much better, and deeper, and i found out more from him than i ever would sober.

I am going to change that.

Tell me, what do i need...

2006-12-10T22:04:49Z

Last night was one of the better nights of my life. Alan and Alan's End of semester shindig, was quite intense...INTENSE.
-I cannot believe they actually fit all those people in their apartment.
-Loads of Rum was consumed.
-Drunken guitar hero
-Drunken singing
-Cute drunken convos
-Befriending of alan's ex girlfriends
-Drunk dialing Dani with allison
-...my sexy boyfriend.
-Hiding in Azn Alan's closet with Becky and Gary
-Cops!
-Jimmy eat world with alan, pat, abby and sarah.
-drunk guy on the coach
-sexy alan time.

mirrorwatchinme @ 2006-12-10T15:57:00

2006-12-10T21:57:07Z

"really when you see red, you are seeing every other color but red, you eyes absorb all the other colors, and red is reflected"
-emily

Frustration in variation...

2006-12-08T05:26:02Z

I woke up this morning...

With an unbearable pain in my stomach. Gurgling, yes gurling...from lack of meals left on my lovely little card.
So now, I have been left starving, for the last five days. STARVING. Dining dollars I have left thankfully, so I have been living at the SUB, although I don't think my arteries can take the strain.

I went to class...

I wanted to be anywhere else. I kept thinking of this morning, when I woke up. empty. Wishing that I would have woken up next to you. Wishing that you would let me know, give me some sign, if you cared about me, the way that I do for you.
I keep holding it back, I keep waiting. And then sometimes...its too hard. and i have to bite my tongue from letting me know how much you mean...

Its the evening now

Reed is in my chair. he wants me to tell you that hes a loser, but hes not a loser...he just doesn't smile in pictures.
I miss you.

"Love and War and Snow"

2006-12-01T15:24:55Z

The lovely land of Kirksville, is completely covered in snow! ITS AWESOME. Last night it was coming down like no ones fuckin business, it was like a blizzard. So David calls me, and wakes me from my slumber, and tells me to put my coat on because we are going outside to play in this blizzard, so I did. It resulted in an intense hour of snowball wars, including me getting snowed in the face by Thang. Poor baby penguins, they have to live in blizzard conditions all the time, be strong baby penguins!

In other news it is friday, and I only have one class today...but its all the way across campus, and marching there through the ice and snow, will be quite fun, hmmm.

I finished my paper last night earlier than I had expected to, and all I wanted to do was see Alan for a bit, cause I missed him, but that didn't turn out as I had planned it in my mind. I wish sometimes that he understood certain things about me. Like that if don't sound fine, but I say "I'm fine" I'm probably not fine. And that if you ask me if I want you to do something, even if i want you to, say like come over, I will say no , cause i'll feel like I am bothering you. I just don't want people to leave me. Theres only one person in this world who I trust not to leave me (Elise=best friend).

BLAH.

Well hopefully, this weekend will be good, I could use some relaxation time, I feeling rather emotionally bogged down.
Reactive should be an interesting experience, strobe lights and glow sticks....hmmmmmmmmm

I think I can.

2006-12-01T01:02:36Z

we must...
"cultivate our garden."
-Candide by Voltaire (read it)

I think I love you. I think I'll be brave. I think I can, I think I can. I will.

Introspective

2006-11-27T23:17:08Z

its the new "emo"

Right now, I am laying in my bed, achey, tired, sore, congested and sick. Thats right I am sick, and my only wish is to be nearly well by tommorow. I hate being sick, it makes me feel so useless, and helpless, i hate that feeling. I had to go to class today too, and on the way back it started to rain on me. Yes rain. If bright eyes music could have been a moment it was that one. How emo, er I mean "introspective."

There aren't many people that I dislike, and more often than not, I give everyone a chance. But goodness, once you get to college and don't have contact with everyone you once did, you learn a lot about them as people, and it makes you realize that given your space, they weren't that great of a person, in fact, they weren't people you'd want to associate with or make contact with ever again.

Then there are other people, who you were close with, and as you went away to your own universities, became even closer friends with. Who knew that Elise and I would become best friends, who knew that I would trust her with everything. Of all the things I have to be thankful for, her friendship is the most treasured.

How do you tell someone you love them? Do you tell them? And how do you know that you love them, is it when sometimes the thing you want to say to them is "I love you" just by instinct, and you have to stop yourself from saying it, because you are afraid they don't reciprocate those feelings? Thats how i feel, so many times the words are at my lips, and I just can't say it. Am I suppose to say it first? So back to the primary question. How do you tell someone that you are in love with them?

Love n' things

2006-11-24T18:47:36Z

I've slowly been coming to the conclusion, that I very well maybe, in fact, totally, completely, memerizingly in love. But this is just an observation, believe me absolutely no rational thought has gone into that decision. I've just got this funny little itching feeling about it. It won't go away either. It has caused some very disagreeable affects as well. Those being, constant paranoia, insecurity, giddiness, smiling...all the time, and has caused me to be more clumsy than usual. All dangerous to my imminent health and the fact that I don't care is what gets me. hmm.

dunno

2006-10-11T06:11:01Z

This evening. I potentially could have died from pneumonia, hypothermia, and an assortment of other potentially fatal conditions. why? Because...walking from chall to the library to baldwin in the freezing rain...is not ideal. nope. definitely not. and now...on top of my back hurting...my foot hurting, i am cold, and sniffley...thankfully i am no longer wet. and midterms suck. the end.

i just think thats funny